I grew up watching the robust sermons of the late Dr. Myles Munroe. In my teen years, I would have preferred to watch the movies and TV series of the day. But my dad would have none of that. Not in his house.
So when my siblings and I would slump on the couch to catch up on a show, dad would swiftly take over the remote and switch to the sermons. And we would just sit there, helpless, egg in face. None of us dared to walk away in fear of displaying our worldly priorities to dad.
Needless to say, the fervor, eloquence, and passion with which the late Doctor delivered his messages got me hooked. There is a particular message that struck a chord with me in those early years.
Maybe because I had a few questions about my life’s purpose looming over my head. When you are a teenager, you get bombarded with counsel whichever side you turn. Because people who care about you realize you have entered a ‘hormone overload zone’. And they need you to pull through.
Anyway, Dr. Myles would argue that if you wanted to know the purpose of an item, you needed to ask the manufacturer.
Because only the manufacturer of an item knows its intended use and full potential. People who don’t bother to interrogate what the manufacturer had in mind are bound to abuse the item. That analogy never left me.
God The Manufacturer
As we reflect on the role of a wife as a helper to her husband, we may as well ask ourselves what God the manufacturer had in mind.
‘’And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’’(New King James Version, Gen. 2.18).
Think of God during creation putting labels on both man and woman before dispatching them on earth. The man bearing the label ‘’Needing Help” while the woman comes labeled ‘’Helper”.
As wives, we can accomplish great feats (and we should) but we should never lose sight of why God gave us to our husbands. The primary reason we are married to our husbands is to help them. Now I know that may sound a tad spooky but please stay with me.
I actually find this truth very daunting. It makes me cringe when I think of all the ways I may not be helping my husband. After all, aren’t our husbands the symbol of strength in our homes? Why would the macho man need a helper?
So I went on a quest to find out how wives can play out this ‘helpful’ role. Here are five ways I found out.
- Offer Companionship
God already said it. It is not good for man to be alone. He needs company to thrive and guess what? You as the wife are perfectly designed for that. But you need to be a good sport for him and not a pain.
Can your husband trust you with his secrets? Does he feel safe pouring his heart to you? You ought to be his number one buddy.
You can fan your friendship flame by learning a thing or two about his hobbies, taking an interest in his favourite TV shows and engaging him in topics he finds enthralling.
As a wife, constantly seek ways in which you can connect to your husband as a friend.
- Stop the Bickering
“Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (Prov 21.9).
Wives often fall into the trap of constantly correcting, rebuking and nagging their husbands. I know I do. But this only serves to push our husbands away. Who knew that the corner of a housetop can be more desirable than a house!
After a hard days job, a man craves for calm and tranquillity. Do all you can to ensure that peace is what greets him at the door. Let your feminine organizational skills be imprinted in your home.
Provide a clean, well organized and harmonious home for your hubby to retire to each day. Do away with the pestering and nagging and replace it with sweet smiles, gratitude, and affirmations.
- Support His Projects and Dreams
Plainly put, you need to be your husband’s number one cheerleader. As he shares his plans and dreams, your role is not to roll your eyes and poke holes on his grand plans. He needs to know you are in his camp.
Any contrary opinion you hold matters but let it be relayed in a supportive and kind manner. I believe women have great intuition and can smell trouble miles away. Don’t shy away from letting him know when something he is on to doesn’t feel right with you.
One way of showing him your support is by offering to run some of the errands involved in his projects.
4. Pray For Him
Praying for your husband is one of the best gifts you can give him. After all, you are the one human being who truly knows him. You know what makes him tick, you know his fears, hopes, and dreams. Pray that God would mould his character, pray for his health, his work and walk with God.
And after praying, leave it to God to choose when and how to answer. If you for instance desire to see a change in character, pray up and shut up. It is not upon you to effect the change. Many wives have tried that and failed dismally. Just leave it to God. That works much better.
- Gird Yourself with Strength
Getting married for me came with this overarching sense of security. He was my knight in shining armor and I was to be his damsel in distress. He would obliterate all my hurdles. I was in safe hands. Any challenge that life threw my way was for him to handle.
I trust you are getting the sense of how deluded I was. It did not take too long before he burst my bubble. I was shocked to hear him say that he needed me to be a strong woman. A brave woman who takes challenges in her stride. One who derives her confidence not from her husband but from her identity in Christ.
‘’Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come’’ ( Prov 31:25).
The Proverbs 31 woman whom I constantly moon over is nothing close to a damsel in distress. She exudes confidence, virtue, wisdom, hard work, honor and then some. She has so much going for her that most wives feel that they pale in comparison.
Above all, the passage states that her husband praises her. We all could use some praise from our husbands. Not because of our outward beauty and charm but because of our mind-blowing achievements. Because of our gentle spirit, hard work, dexterity, generosity, and wisdom.
There you have it, five ways you can adopt in seeking to be your husband’s helper. Do you have any other you can add to the list? Tell me all about it in the comments.